Quitting porn can be really tough, especially if you’ve been watching it for a long time. Going cold turkey might sound impossible, but with some preparation and willpower, you can kick the habit for good. As someone who has struggled with porn addiction myself, I want to share what has worked for me and help others achieve freedom.
Why Quit Pornography?
Before we dive into the how-to let’s look at some key reasons to quit
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It rewires your brain and distorts your perceptions about sex and relationships Frequent porn use causes your brain to release dopamine, which can become addictive. Over time, you may need more extreme content to get the same high
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It can hurt your intimate relationships Partners often feel hurt, insecure, and betrayed if their significant other watches porn regularly It can kill intimacy and trust.
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It supports an exploitative industry. Most porn promotes unhealthy attitudes about sex and women. The performers are often trafficked or coerced.
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It’s a waste of time. Hours spent consuming porn could be better spent on family, friends, hobbies, career goals, etc.
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It can impact your self-esteem. Watching unattainable body types and activities may make you feel inadequate or obsess over flaws.
If you feel porn is negatively impacting your life, it’s worth cutting it out entirely. But be patient with yourself, as overcoming any addiction takes time.
Preparing to Go Cold Turkey
Going cold turkey means completely stopping all porn use starting today. Here are some tips to get ready:
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Make a firm commitment. Write down your reasons for quitting and read them when you feel tempted. Tell a friend or partner to hold you accountable.
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Remove triggers and access points. Throw out magazines, cancel subscriptions, install porn blocking software, move the computer to a public area, etc. Eliminate temptation.
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Find replacements and distractions. Make a list of healthy activities to fill the time previously spent on porn. Get immersed in your hobbies, connect with friends, stay busy.
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Anticipate challenges. Know your typical triggers and have coping strategies ready, like going for a walk, calling an accountability partner, etc.
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Be patient with relapses. Slips may happen as you rewire your brain. Reflect on what led to it, then get back on track. Progress takes time.
Going Through Withdrawal
When you first quit porn after heavy use, you’ll likely experience withdrawal symptoms. This is because your brain’s reward system has become dependent on the dopamine high of porn. Common symptoms include:
- Strong cravings and urges to watch porn
- Trouble concentrating
- Mood swings and irritability
- Restlessness or boredom
- Trouble sleeping
- Headaches or fatigue
These symptoms may peak around 2-3 weeks after quitting and improve after 5-6 weeks. But timelines vary. Stay strong through the discomfort and remind yourself it’s temporary. Avoid triggers, distract yourself with other activities, and take good physical care of your body.
Changing Your Mindset
Lasting change requires a shift in mindset. Here are some mental reframings that can help:
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View relapses as learning opportunities, not failures. Reflect on what you need to change.
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Remind yourself that porn use is a choice, not a requirement. You have the power to refrain.
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Celebrate small milestones like a porn-free day or week. Track your progress.
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Remember your deeply held reasons and values. Reread your commitment list.
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Imagine the positive impact quitting will have on your life. How will you reinvest the time and energy?
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Keep your sense of humor and be kind to yourself. This is tough but you can do it!
Establishing New Habits
One of the most effective ways to kick an addiction is to replace it with positive habits and routines. Here are some ideas:
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Exercise regularly. It releases endorphins, relieves stress, and distracts from cravings. Find activities you enjoy.
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Pick up new hobbies, especially social ones. Learn an instrument, join a sports team, take an art class.
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Spend more quality time with family and friends. Plan regular phone calls, activities, game nights, etc.
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Go to bed earlier and wake up early. Use the morning time for self-care and goal-setting.
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Immerse yourself in work, school, or volunteer projects. Dive into activities that give you meaning and purpose.
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Do weekly meal-prepping and house cleaning. Stay busy improving your living space.
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Engage in spiritual practices like prayer, meditation, or reading inspiring texts. Nurture your inner life.
Overcoming Relapses
Most people struggle with relapses at some point in the recovery process. This is completely normal. Here are constructive ways to respond:
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Accept it and move on. Don’t beat yourself up or get demoralized. Refocus your energy forward.
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Analyze what led up to it. Were you stressed? Lonely? Tired? Bored? Identify the triggers.
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Reach out for help. Call a friend or sponsor. Talk it through and ask for support. You don’t need to isolate.
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Remove access again. Uninstall any porn sites you revisited. Renew your commitment to quitting completely.
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Learn from slip-ups. Adjust your coping strategies. What could you do differently next time an urge hits?
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Forgive yourself. Progress isn’t linear. Each day is a new opportunity to reclaim freedom.
When to Seek Professional Support
If you’ve made sincere efforts to quit porn but keep relapsing, seeing a therapist can help uncover root causes and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Signs it may be time to seek counseling include:
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Porn use is significantly disrupting work, relationships, or school.
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You’ve tried to quit multiple times unsuccessfully on your own.
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You’re experiencing depression, anxiety, isolation, or extreme guilt.
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You engage in risky or illegal behaviors while consuming porn.
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Porn tastes have evolved in ways that bother you.
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You’ve lied to cover up porn use.
Therapists can provide objective guidance, get to the roots of addictive behaviors, teach coping skills, and hold you accountable. If porn has a major grip on your life, don’t be afraid to ask for help.
There is Hope!
Quitting porn cold turkey is challenging, but thousands have achieved it and gone on to live healthier, happier lives. With consistent effort and support, you can reduce and eventually eliminate your dependence on porn. Be compassionate with yourself throughout the process – change takes time. But stick with it, and you’ll regain control over your sexuality and relationships. Stay strong!
How a more moderate consumption of our time online can be our best choice.
- Many of us feel like we have to engage in some measure of online activities to effectively function in our work and personal lives.
- When online behavior becomes problematic or excessive, its rarely possible to go cold turkey, like it would be with a substance addiction.
- Being thoughtful and goal-directed when going online could help mitigate problematic internet use.
This is Part Six of a nine-part “Success without Surrender” series published over nine consecutive weeks.
How does the cognitive miser phenomenon relate to digitally mediated addictions? (As I argue in my book Screened In: The Art of Living Free in the Digital Age, we are not addicted to the Internet; rather, the Internet may accelerate our access to and reduce the social costs associated with other addictions.) Let’s take a look.
Cold Turkey Not an Option
Compulsively or addictively engaging in any activity (e.g., gaming, porn, gambling, shopping… name your poison) now easily accessed on the Internet is different from other addictions, where the only way to break them is to go cold turkey.
Breaking other substance-involved addictions often involves making a dichotomous choice, a difficult decision involving only two options: smoke or don’t smoke; drink or don’t drink. This all-or-nothing choice is both cognitively simpler and much easier to uphold.
For this reason, more people quit smoking by going cold turkey than by reducing their intake to two cigarettes per day.
Yes, it’s hard as hell and involves intense suffering—that’s why they’re called “addictions”: the person has subscribed to a conscious or subconscious belief that they rely on the object of their addiction. Yet for many smokers, it’s easier to drop their intake to zero rather than two cigarettes per day.
The same is true with drinking: cold turkey is excruciatingly difficult at first, but easier in the long run than years of futilely attempting to tote back only one glass each day.
When the problematic behavior is something accessed on the Internet, it’s different: we’ve swiftly reached a state of mass penetration—called “the network effect”—where there are so many users that we feel like we have to engage in some measure of online activities to effectively function in our work and personal lives.
At this point in our collective history, to try to live without going online is impractical. As Andrew Martin, a librarian in Washington, D.C., once exclaimed, “We can’t just go cold turkey. We rely on [our phones] too much for legitimate, logistical stuff like navigating.”